"It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor."
— Seneca
There’s an old parable, often told in both African and Southeast Asian traditions, about how to catch a monkey. The trap is simple. A small hole is made in a coconut or a hollow log, just large enough for a monkey’s hand to fit through. Inside, a piece of fruit or a shiny object is placed as bait. The monkey reaches in, grabs the prize, and tries to pull it out. But now its fist is too large to fit through the hole. The monkey is trapped—not by any cage or chain—but by its own refusal to let go.
We are those monkeys.
This trap isn't about clever hunters or coconuts. It’s about the grip we refuse to release on our own desires. We clutch tightly to things we think we need—status, recognition, wealth, perfect health, relationships, control over others. We imagine that happiness lies just on the other side of getting what we want. So we cling. We strain. We suffer. And we remain stuck, even though freedom is always just one decision away: the decision to let go.
Desire as a Cage
The Stoics saw this clearly. Epictetus taught, “Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.” Our culture is built around the myth of control. From marketing to politics to self-help, we are told that we can shape the world to our will if we only try hard enough. But this is a lie. The more we believe it, the more we try to grasp what is not ours to hold. The more we chase outcomes, the more we live in fear of losing them.
Desire becomes a form of bondage. It's not that wanting is wrong. But when our happiness depends on satisfying those wants—when our peace hinges on the next raise, the next compliment, the next possession—we are not living, we are bargaining. And often, the price is our tranquility.
The Buddha’s Diagnosis
In addition to the Stoics, the Buddha saw the same problem from a different angle. His First Noble Truth is that life contains suffering (dukkha). The Second is that suffering arises from craving. We suffer not because the world is inherently cruel, but because we are always reaching, always wanting, always resisting what is.
In the Third Noble Truth, he offers hope: by letting go of craving, we let go of suffering. The Fourth provides a path—right view, right intention, right action, and so on. This is not a mystical journey. It is a psychological one. A practical one. It begins when we stop reaching through the hole in the log and start seeing our own clenched fists for what they are.
What You Can Control
The Stoic answer, famously summarized by Epictetus and later echoed in the Serenity Prayer, is to distinguish between what we can control and what we cannot. Our opinions, our intentions, our actions, our values—these are ours. Everything else—other people’s choices, the economy, the weather, fate—is not.
When we forget this, we hand over our peace to circumstances. When we remember it, we reclaim it.
Imagine the mental freedom in releasing the need to control someone else’s approval. Or letting go of the illusion that we must have a certain title or income to be content. Or ceasing the comparison to people who appear to be ahead in life. As Marcus Aurelius wrote, “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
The Courage to Release
Letting go sounds simple. But it is not easy. It requires courage to relinquish what we’ve been taught to value. It takes wisdom to see that our desires are the bars of our own cage. And it takes temperance—self-mastery—to resist the bait we once thought essential.
But what happens when we do? What fills the space where wanting used to be?
Stillness. Clarity. A sense of enough.
There is a freedom in saying, “I don't need this.” There is a joy in no longer being driven by lack. There is peace in becoming indifferent to what you once thought you couldn’t live without.
Be Grateful, Not Greedy
Seneca counseled, “If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied even if it were doubled.” This is not a call to passivity. It’s a challenge to wake up. To recognize how much of our restlessness is self-inflicted. To turn away from the false promises of "more" and begin cultivating appreciation for the quiet abundance already in our hands.
This is not resignation. It is liberation.
Final Reflection
The monkey trap is not something out there. It is in our minds. The good news is: the key to escape is always within our reach.
Let go and walk free.