How to Be Happy
Take the case of one whose task it is to shoot a spear or arrow straight at some target. One’s ultimate aim is to do all in one’s power to shoot straight, and the same applies with our ultimate goal. In this kind of example, it is to shoot straight that one must do all one can; none the less, it is to do all one can to accomplish the task that is really the ultimate aim. It is just the same with what we call the supreme good in life. To actually hit the target is, as we say, to be selected but not sought.
– Cicero
One of the more challenging lessons I have learned as a Stoic is what happiness means and why modern society's definition of happiness significantly contributes to the malaise that so many suffer from.
Society, especially the Western consumer-driven one I live in, defines happiness in terms of externalities: the new car, the job promotion, the bigger house, and the beautiful spouse. However, as I have learned and worked to adopt in my daily life, true happiness comes not from the results of my actions but rather from the actions themselves, especially those aligned with my values.
As long as I tie my emotional wagon to "getting," my happiness will be a roller coaster, as I ultimately have little to no control over the outcomes of my actions. What I do have total control over are the actions themselves, "doing," what I choose to do, and what I actually do.
If my actions and the choices that drove them are aligned with a virtuous set of values, then my happiness is totally under my control. By striving to be consistent in my choices and actions (not an easy task!), I have enjoyed much more happiness than when I made it my goal to achieve a specific outcome.