Feedback Loops
We are the cause of our unhappiness
“It is not events that disturb people, it is their judgments concerning them."
– Epictetus
My monkey mind is the source of my emotions, both positive and negative. It interprets what happens in my life through the lens of what is good for me or what is harmful, as well as casts judgments about others and the impact of events on them.
I am cut off in traffic, make a mistake, or someone disagrees with me. My monkey mind sees these all as slights that raise the emotion of anger, fear, or annoyance. What I do next, in my rational mind, is what determines whether I will spend the next hours, days, or years being unhappy or not.
If I start a dialog with myself regarding these incidents (thinking about how the mistake was not mine, the other driver is incompetent, or how the person who disagrees is an idiot), I am rationalizing. And in rationalizing, I feed the original emotion.
As that emotion is fed and gains in strength, so does my rationalization of it. I have created a feedback loop in my mind that consumes my mental resources. Along with this, as these negative emotions consume me, I am largely incapable of feeling positive emotions or appreciating what is happening around me in the world.
I exist in the now. What is behind me is encased in glass, and what is ahead is a fog. All I can control is what I think and how I act or react in the moment.
To allow my emotions to trigger a feedback loop is to cede control of my life. And it is my decision to allow it. Just because I feel a negative emotion is not an excuse to feed it. Regardless of the trigger, I must remember what I control and not cede control of the one thing that I have control over. If it is outside of me, I don’t control it; at best, I can only influence it. If it were my decision or action, then I cannot change the past; I can only learn from my mistake and strive to do better next time.
By not feeding the monkey, I will find that the event and the emotion it caused will rapidly dissipate so that in a short time, I no longer remember either.